CHAPTER 4: HOLISTIC TREATMENT - III

Everything and everyone were the same at the polytechnic. One month's gap changed nothing, including me. At that time when I left the Polytechnic, a month ago, for my treatment, I was almost sure that I would return as a physically complete man. Such was the confidence instilled in me (by my teacher) about the holistic treatment. Those were the days when I realised how high one's expectations can soar up! Getting rid of the problem of my hearing disability had appeared an easy task then; a reality that was soon going to happen! 

But the world I dreamt about was a mere illusion. I clearly remember an incident happened just after the treatment. One day I happened to pick up a difficult word; the surroundings were noisy, yet I could recognize that word. Usually I used to miss such words. This made me very happy and I thought of this as a clear indication of the big improvement I attained as a result of undergoing the holistic treatment. I told about this to many with joy. But within a few days itself, I realised that it was a false impression. I lapsed into my old condition - I could not pick up or recognize other such words or even that word I picked up once, under such noisy circumstances.

I was absent from the class for one full month. But none of my classmates seemed to notice this! To be frank, I was painfully hurt by this. I, then, convinced myself that I was not one among them.  It was really a shock to me! 

Jijo alone enquired about my absence.

“Where were you last month?”

“I was ill; viral fever.”

 I lied to avoid further questions. I wished to do just as Wilson advised. Past is past. Do not remember or worry over it. Kill the memories.

At noon Vidhu teacher called me near. “How are you Sunil? Are you ok?”

I kept mum. 

How hard I was trying to escape from those Trivandrum memories! But they kept on coming back to me with even more power!

 I had to use the hearing aid again in the class room. It was in good working condition; it truthfully amplified all those sounds it could pick up. But even with its aid, I failed to understand the speeches.  My real problem was not being unable to perceive the sound (I could hear these sounds without the help of the hearing aid), but being unable to discriminate between the words in a speech or conversation and the general din of the surroundings, both of which the aid amplified equally. So even while wearing this aid my problem - problem of not being able to make out the words in a speech or conversation - persisted.   It seemed to me that the hearing aid I used somewhat mismatched with my ear assembly; they - my ear and the aid - never reached in a harmony with each other. Also, in the absence of the minimum input the hearing aid performed poorly. This often happened in the classrooms where the teachers spoke too softly. So I could not follow their lectures. 

While walking along the roads with my friends, the aid provided me no help at all to make me too participate actively in their interesting conversations. At the same time it amplified the blare and clamour of the vehicles passing uninterruptedly.  Thus the hearing aid I wore just became a mere 'question mark’ in my ear. One day I removed that 'question mark’ from my ear and threw it to the railway track near the polytechnic. And I walked away ... without looking back even once. Soon I heard the sound of a train rushing through the rails behind me.

But later in my life, too, I had to wear such hearing aids due to the compulsion of dear and near ones. Hearing aids of various brands! But nothing did me good or solved my problem. Many times I went in search of rail tracks - an ideal place to dispose off that useless question mark-like gadget. Always there were trains to run over them. Each time, tears gushed out from my eyes.

  

My silence flourished equally well both in the empty class rooms or in the noisy verandas. Only Jijo was willing to talk to me unconditionally. In the mornings he sat with me in the car porch of the polytechnic. 

“Better to remain silent than simply babbling and blabbering - talking about worthless matters", Jijo consoled me.  

This seemed logical enough, at first. Yes, Jijo was right. To listen to or to engage in idle talk is bad. But there is another side to this. 

We human beings, in general, always like to mingle with others, to engage in chit - chat with the friends around, to enter into conversations on light matters, to joke, to tease etc. The truth is that we cannot ignore the great role such interactions and involvements play in our lives. They often help us to be light-hearted; help us to keep a normal and healthy state of the mind. More than that, such interactions can also create a sense of belonging, a very comforting feeling that we are with a set of people who love to be with us.    

Normally, it is not in us to like to engage always in serious discussions on sober subjects only. Such discussions may satiate our desire for knowledge. At the same time they may cause or increase our mental tension.

The final few months at the polytechnic were joyful. Many of my classmates, who did not show any interest in befriending me up to that time, now began to put their hands around my shoulders. They considered me as a close friend. I was included as member in the team of car-porch-singers. I performed with them in the car porch at the noon interval. In the volley ball court, the lift position was always reserved for me. Many such changes - all for good. 

As far as I was concerned, I felt that the polytechnic life had just begun only and was beginning to enjoy it. But for others it was the end of the most beautiful period in life; end of all enjoyment. After writing the last examination, one by one said goodbye to each other and the institution. I was not sure what to do. I wanted to remain in that car porch. I wanted to be a student of that institution for one more year. I wanted to enjoy the student life for another year. I wanted to request my friends not to leave me alone. I knew I was helpless. Yet....

At last, Jijo also rose up from the steps of the car porch.

While walking together to the bus stop, he asked me, “Are you satisfied?”

I had no answer to that question.

At Trivandrum, I had to act in two episodes; one was that Holistic Clinic episode. At that time I was all alone - there was no body with me to share the joys or the sorrows and the apprehensions. Life at that time was real hell to me. I hated even those memories. But I was destined to act in another episode too at the very same place. When I came to know of this I hesitated a lot.  But this time, He, the God Almighty bestowed me with the true friendship of a very nice person. A colleague by name Raju was that God-sent person.