CHAPTER 9: DOES HE KNOW A MOTHER'S HEART

Last year, I bought a copy of Arun shourie’s book named “Does he know a mother’s heart?” This book is a little bit different from his other works. In this, he narrates his personal life, but not in full. Shourie mainly seeks the ‘reason for suffering’ of people, as depicted in various religious scriptures. As one can expect, there arises many contradictions. So, the book exposes and attacks all the scriptures and the contradictions. Many books criticizing religion and beliefs are available in the market. But Shourie’s work concentrates on the inadequacy of the explanation for suffering, as given in various religious scriptures.

My belief in religion starts from my childhood days. From my grandparents it descended to me. Every evening I used to listen to mythological stories about the deities Siva, Krishna, etc narrated by them. Hindu mythologies are vast and deep like the ocean. Everything from nail to ‘Pushpaka Vimana’, from termite to elephant plays varied roles in these stories. Though such stories were showered in plentiful into my tender ears I did not consider myself as a hard devotee of any of these idols. Even when I believed, it was not blind belief. Even while disbelieving, there is no harsh heresy. I think rationality has always got a place in Hindu thoughts. Rationality – saving one from tilting to either of the extremes of blind belief or heresy - it is always felt as a pacifying factor.

Erosion in my religious beliefs started with the decline of my hearing ability. By the time I was 20, I became totally confused.  Why the medical treatments failed, making the ardent prayers of my relatives and mine ineffective? Why this disability fell on me rather than on a cruel man? The answers to these questions I got, pointed to and underlined the fact that the human life is purely mechanical - it is not controlled by any super natural agency. But because of the absence of first cause, I thought God might have created world - but He is not controlling his creation. I told this idea to many. But they only confined their opinions in a smile. As days passed, I understood personally that even this concept of God falls roughly in Yoga System, in a critical study. A deistic God; God created the world - but not running it. Then I came to realise - there are many more ways than what I thought before, to be a Hindu. Hinduism’s framework can contain even an atheist or a nihilist. From then on, I loved to be in the fold of Hinduism. But God remained as a mystery to me.

My parents and relatives are very religious minded people. But whenever I asked them why this misfortune fell on me, their reply was in resonance with the medical doctors, rather than with the priests. I had well planned to resist them, if they come up with replies like fate or Karma. Such arguments have no place here. We don’t have to read any particular book to wake up to this truth. Just need to keep a rational mind - that will do. My relatives have answered to my query - ‘nerve is weak’, ‘Vitamin deficiency’ - etc. No one told me that it is 'God's Will '. Thus I lost a chance to fight with the ‘believers’.

I know it is my severe mental suffering that drove me away from gods. What all I had in my mind for years, is beautifully narrated by the truly eminent writer, Mr Shourie. When my eyes ran through the pages of ‘Does he know a mother’s heart’, I was not overpowered by the ideas presented there, because they were not unfamiliar to me.

Arun Shourie portrayed the picture of many sufferers, who turned agnostic.